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Talking With Your
Teen
Talking with your teen about not using alcohol
is the first step in prevention. As a parent,
you already understand that your relationship
with your teen can make a difference. The
guidance you give strengthens the bond that you
have with your child and helps counter media
images that glorify alcohol. It also gives your
teenager the tools he will need to resist peer
pressure to drink. Still, finding the right
words to say and knowing when to say them, can
be tough. Here are some recommended examples of
how to talk with your teenager—and what to say.
Set the rules:
"If you're at a
party where kids are drinking, I want you to
call me, and I'll come and pick you up."
"I love you and I
want the best for you, so I don't want you to
use alcohol."
"I really want
you to be healthy and safe, that's why I don't
want you to use alcohol"
Enforce the rules:
"We've talked about
how I feel about you using alcohol-and the
consequences. You have no (Internet, telephone,
car, visit to friend's houses, etc.) privileges
for (time period*)."
"I'm glad you told
me, but I'm disappointed that you tried alcohol.
I don't want you to use alcohol again. You do
not get (Internet, telephone, car, etc.)
privileges for (time period*)."
*
Discipline is not negotiable and should depend
on the severity of the act and whether the child
lied. It should not exceed three weeks because
your child may forget why he is being
disciplined. As an alternative, you might also
consider having your child read and discuss
articles on the effects of alcohol or perform
community service.
Avoid risky
situations:
"It's not OK for you
to ride in a car with someone whose been
drinking."
"I care enough about
you to ask you who you are going with and what
you are going to do. I'm your [mom/dad] and it's
my job to keep you safe."
"You know I love
you, but I'm your parent not your friend. I
won't put up with you being in a place where
kids are drinking."
Give your teenager
the means and the words she needs to say "no" to
alcohol. Teens say they prefer quick
"one-liners" that allow them to dodge a drink
without making a big scene. It will probably
work best for your teen to take the lead in
thinking of comebacks to drink offers so that
she will feel comfortable saying them. To get
the brainstorming started, here are some simple
pressure-busters.
1. "No thanks.
It's not my thing."
2. "I don't feel like it-do you have any
pop?"
3. "I don't drink."
4. "My parents would kill me."
5. "Why do you care whether I drink?"
6. "No way-I'd get kicked off the team."
Developing open,
trusting communication between you and your
child is essential to helping your child avoid
alcohol use. If your child feels comfortable
talking openly with you, you'll have a greater
chance of guiding him or her toward healthy
decision-making. Some ways to begin:
Encourage conversation. Encourage your child to
talk about whatever interests her. Listen
without interruption, and give your child a
chance to teach you something new. Your active
listening paves the way for conversation about
topics that concern you.
Ask open-ended questions. Encourage your teen to
tell you how he thinks and feels about the issue
you're discussing. Avoid questions that have a
simple "yes" or "no" answer.
Control you emotions. If you hear something that
you don't like, try not to respond with anger.
Instead, take a few deep breaths and acknowledge
your feelings in a constructive way.
Make every conversation a positive experience.
Don't lecture or try to "score points" on your
teen by showing how she is wrong. If you hear
something you don't like, try not to respond
with anger. |
